*Personal* Story to Pregnancy
Yes, I'm a Dietitian. No- this is not a nutrition-related post. However, I think that it's important to be honest and it's also important to get a sense of who I am. Perhaps this will resonate. Perhaps it won't ;) Take it or leave it.
My husband and I got married on Sept 3, 2019. I had previously been married for almost 10 years in a very unhealthy relationship. During this time I prayed and prayed and prayed to be pregnant. Nothing. I didn't understand why God wouldn't answer a "noble prayer" like that.
Now- man, am I thankful for un-answered prayers. Had I been able to get pregnant-- I never would have left. I would have felt stuck, hopeless, worthless...BUT, GOD.
The way that I met my now husband, my best friend, is pretty remarkable and perhaps I'll share that story sometime but now back to us.
Meeting/marrying Colton has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. He is so humble, loving, compassionate-- he is incredible. Jesus was so merciful to me in giving me life again with Colton! When we got married he was sure, my parents were sure, everyone was sure that now I would be able to get pregnant!
Well-- i did. Twice. But I lost both of those before I even had time to realize that I was pregnant. The first was at 4.5 weeks, the second at 7 weeks. It hurt both times. "Why, God?" I thought. "Why would you allow this to happen to me twice? My heart can't take this again."
**FLASH BACK** About 10 years ago, I was sitting in church and two women (separately) came up to me and said "Hi, I know you don't think you'll be able to have children but God told me to tell you that you will." Neither of these women knew me well. They had NO idea that I had any desire to be or mom, much less fear that it wouldn't happen. I held their words close
At the same of the second miscarriage (April 2020), I was beginning to question whether or not I had heard these women right or if they had actually heard from God. I mean, this was over 10 years later! I posted about my sorrow, frustration, and choice to STILL HOPE on my Facebook. I really did it for myself. To convince myself that I still believed that God is good. To proclaim to my heart that I would choose to hope. In response to my post, one of the woman from 10 years ago responded and said "Wow I remember a word from the Lord, God gave you. He said, 'you will have a daughter.' I knew nothing of your situation but HE said you would have a daughter. I hope you remember that day."
Now, we have not spoken. She didn't know that I was STILL struggling. This was Jesus reminding me to trust. It just about knocked the wind out of me.
And so I chose to hope. Albiet - cautiously. "Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick." There was a huge part of me that was very much afraid to allow myself to hope because I didn't want to experience the heartache of being let down.
Fast forward a few months to September 2020. Colton is host/producer on the TV show Rock the Park on ABC, but they had been furloughed since March due to the pandemic. Thankfully, I was still able to continue working, but the cost of Orange County, CA on one income was a LOT. We also were thinking long-term about where we might want to raise a family someday...and our hearts longed for the mountains. On a whim, we decided to move to Colorado. We loaded our stuff into storage-- filled the car with whatever fit and took off.
During all of this we weren't doing anything to prevent pregnancy, but I didn't get pregnant. I found a women's care center in Denver and was put on Letrozole/Femara to help stimulate ovulation (due to my dx of PCOS).
I did 2 cycles--- nothing. My doctor offered to refer me to an infertility specialist but I told her that I wanted to try it again at least once. And so I did. (This was Nov 2020).
Right around Christmas-- or a few days before-- my boobs starting feeling really sore. I've experienced this in one of my miscarriages but also just when I ovulated so I didn't necessarily think anything. I then started getting really irritated for seemingly no reason. I'm not easily irritated, so this was really odd for me. It was also really frustrating because I couldn't give a reason for why I was so annoyed! haha
Dec 25th 2020- Christmas Day- Gina, the same woman from 10 years ago-- the one who reminded me of God's promise after my second miscarriage-- sent me a Facebook message that read "This is The Word of The Lord for you for 2021- 'THE WOMB OF THE RIGHTEOUS SHALL BE FRUITFUL.' So be it done in the name of Jesus."
Again, Jesus was reminding me-- pushing me to hope.
On December 31st 2020 I went to meet up with a close friend and I was talking with her and her mom about my hopes of getting pregnant and the process of trusting. When I got home that afternoon, I decided to just take a test. "Why not?" I figured. I mean, this was "technically" the day I was supposed to start my period, though I was never regular. I had a LOT of water to drink and my urine was clear, so I figured that even if I was pregnant, I might get a false negative.
I was wrong. Almost IMMEDIATELY the test strip turned positive. My hands were shaking...I couldn't believe it!! With about 6 hours left in 2020, my hope was no longer deferred. Jesus remains true to His word.
**there is more to this story and I will share later